Silent sobs try to push past my smiling fa�ade. A hairline fracture snakes across the mask. There is no interest, no desire no need to do the things I once loved. I just want to lie down and accept this feeling and let it carry me into a dreamless sleep. I feel so tired and I can�t escape the fog my brain has created. How long has it been this way, years? Yes�nearly a decade and yet I�ve learned to hide it so well. Curious, one would think that this were simply a faze, but don�t fazes end as quickly as they begin? It doesn�t matter; once you learn to live with something you tend to miss it when it�s gone. I don�t want to medicate it, I don�t want to treat it I just want to hold it close and feel it�s familiarity. Kiss it�s icy lips and take it inside of me to cherish until once again it tries to escape my clutches and shows it�s face to the world. You are mine, my Beloved. Only I can know you, because no one else will understand you like I do. You are my despair.