�But, Andrea, how can you feel so alone when you are surrounded by people all of the time?�

I�m not sure. I just kind of detach myself from everyone, I guess. My family is getting worried. I�m constantly getting calls from my mom and my niece. I got a few calls from my sister, but we always miss each other. I try to call her back and no one ever picks up the phone. Benny really hasn�t noticed�I don�t think he notices much. He�s to busy trying to pass his kidney stone. I need to find some friends, I think. I�m not really good at making friends though. I am excellent at making acquaintances. I should be able to make a friend from there, right? The answer is no. That would mean having to let that person into my life and I don�t think I like that. Not even the guys in my band have been that lucky. Yeah, they are like family, but they really don�t know me. They know Dre, but they don�t know Andrea. The only one that is even close to knowing me would be Smurf, but he moved to Madison, so he sucks now. I can�t get to close to Bill, he reminds me to much of a certain someone and that just makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Oh, well. Maybe one day I�ll find a good friend, but until then I�ll just have to be happy with myself. That is a hard task and one that I have to do eventually. Might as well get that out of the way. I wonder if that�s a Cancer trait. The loner thing, I mean.

I need to start doing things for myself, instead for other people. I�m all about other peoples needs and I need to focus on myself. It sounds really selfish, doesn�t it? Yeah, I don�t like that way it sounds either.

I think I�m going to get away for a while, maybe for a weekend. Go on a retreat, or something. I�m sure the church I go to has a list of them to choose from, just me, God and all my emotional baggage. Sounds kind of fun, doesn�t it? Maybe not. I don�t know yet, I�ll have to do it on a weekend I�m not playing out, and that doesn�t seem to be happening until the end of the year. I think I�m getting burn out from life, or something. What do you do when you burn out from life? You can�t get away from it for a while and then come back. It just doesn�t work that way. Maybe if I were to trade lives with someone for a while. *laughs* Yeah right! I think, what I need is a vacation.