Car Trips Suck!

Well the trip to Eau Claire was uneventful. No one was looking forward to playing that night, and the gloomy weather mirrored our moods. Benny and Rob decided that they were going to leave early and told me about it an hour before the scheduled departure. Men! We meet Rob at the small diner down the street and we have a huge breakfast. Then it was off to Eau Claire. I sat in the back seat and read while listening to Benny and Rob talk about cars, automobile shops and sound equipment. I convinced the guys to play a few of my cds and we jam out to Incubus on the way down. Rob is a Virgo, so we get along really well, we�re swapping Incubus lyrics and Benny makes up words to songs, while they�re playing, about off the wall topics. �The tools that make you mad are my favorite things.� Benny could write lyrics for Weird Al. Then Benny and Rob are back to talking �shop�, and I�m back to reading. By the way, reading and sitting in the back seat don�t mix very well; add Benny�s driving and you have a very sick back seat driver. I ended up sleeping most of the way, resting my head on my seat belt strap. Man did I have a soar neck. We finally made it to Eau Claire, and we can�t find where the hotel is. We end up in the parking lot of the mall and decide to go check it out. Why not? Geez! The guys need to find a Radio Shack any way. So I make my way to the Hot Topic while they go in search of the �Man Store�. By that point, I�m queasy as hell, I think I might be hungry, and I�m getting signs of Vertigo. We finally leave the mall and drive for another half hour trying to find the street where our hotel is on. I tell Benny, �Hey, we keep passing up gas stations, lets just stop and ask for directions?� We stop at one gas station and Rob and I pretend we�re from California. I�m pulling it off ok, but Rob still has that damned midwestern accent. I�m walking around like I�m stoned, which helps a bit. He then grabs a can of sardines and a can of Vienna Sausages and puts them up to my face. �Yum!! Sandwiches!� I almost puke. Benny is looking at a map of Eau Claire and we find out where we are at and where we need to go. We drive a bit and we get lost again. �Just pull out the map, and we�ll have no problems,� I tell Benny.

�I didn�t buy the map.�

�What?�

�I didn�t buy the map. It was for five dollars, I wasn�t going to spend five dollars on a freakin map.� I want to explode. Benny decides to rely on his very good sense of direction and just drives around for another half hour. It�s getting closer to gig time, I feel like shit and Benny didn�t buy the fucking map!! We finally pull into another gas station and Rob fills up the Jeep while Benny buys a map. I�m clinging to the door and hoping to God I don�t puke. Benny comes back with the map and, surprise(!) we are already on the street that the hotel is on; Andrea�s Law of Irony, or something like that. Hey if Murphy can have a law, I can too! So, to end the story, we find the hotel, I put food in my stomach and try to convince my body that I feel Grrrrreat!

Strip Tease�

We finally all meet at the bar and set our equipment up. Dealing with the bar owner is a bitch and I�m really trying to keep my cool. The guys are keeping me distracted, and I�m letting them. That prick was the last person I wanted to deal with anyway. Both Bill and Smurf bring their �girlfriends� and I chat with them for a while. We start playing to a miniscule crowd and none of us are really into it. We finally take our first break and everyone puts a little alcohol in their system�everyone, that is, but me. I�m still not feeling very good and my throat isn�t responding very well to my efforts. I�m sucking down lozenges and spraying my vocals with Clear Voice. This one girl, I�m going to refer to her as Punk Rock Stripper Girl, comes over to me and starts telling me that we rock, and stuff like that. She�s got these really tight pants that almost saddle down to her crotch and a black wife beater. She�s sporting all of the typical punk accessories. I�m pretending to pay attention to her, and I thank her for her compliments, but I just wanted to be left alone. Finally she walks away and Bill�s �girlfriend� comes over to talk. �Oh my God! I think that chic is totally into you. She was asking me personal questions about you and everything.� I�m like whatever, who cares, and we start our next set. I�m feeling a little peppier, side effect of the Clear Voice, and we really start rocking. That�s when I see Punk Rock Stripper Girl dancing by herself. I make it a rule to dance with anyone on the dance floor if they�re by themselves. It usually convinces other people to join in, and the more people on the dance floor the better. Bush �Come Down� is playing and I slide over by Stripper girl. We�re getting some moves on and she starts rubbing on me and doing her little �stripper moves�. Ok, that was just really freaky, but it was putting on a good show and the bar was getting interested. She starts pulling on my loose hanging suspenders and doing her little bendy moves�apparently I was the pole or something. I use my years of belly dancing training and I show her a few of my moves�she likes.

�I really like the way you move! You have to show me some of that stuff, so I can incorporate it into my dancing. So she really was a stripper and I was giving her a lesson! That�s when this freaky dude comes by and tries to get some crotch action I shove him out of the way and get back on stage. The crowd was disappointed but they had something to remember for a while. We rock out the last set and we were ready to get the fuck out of there. That�s when Bill�s �girlfriend� comes by.

�I just wanted to tell you that one of your songs really touches me�it makes me cry every time I hear it. It�s almost as if it�s about me.� I don�t know what to say, so I hug her, and she starts to cry. That�s when I start to cry, so here we are, two people sharing a moment in a back of a bar. We totally understand each other and I spill everything to her, and she does the same. Let�s just say that I think I�ve made a very good friend this weekend.

After dealing with the bar owner one last time, Benny Rob and I head over to a 24 hour diner. I listen as Benny and Rob complain about the sound, and relive the whole �stripper girl incident�. Benny, apparently, was disappointed that he didn�t take pictures. Men! We finally get back to our hotel room at 2:45 am and I crash on the bed, completely clothed and smelling like sweat and smoke. My plan was to wait for Rob to take his shower first and then follow suit. It happened that way, but not quite. I fell asleep and then woke up a quarter after four and took my shower then. Every one was already asleep and I had to carefully make my way around with out making to much noise. I went back to bed at 4:30 and woke up at 8. I partook in the crappy continental breakfast and read the paper. Finally, at 10 I woke everyone up and we checked out. The drive back wasn�t as bad and I sat in the front seat. I still have the Vertigo feeling and I seem to have symptoms of a stomach flue. Which of course is a result of all of the driving around and eating nothing but crap for the past few days. Now I get to clean my apartment. Yay!!