�Well, not really.�

�I�ll bring you some tacos.�

An hour later I�m eating tacos from Taco Hell, and Benny is making sure I eat every last bite. He hangs around for a while and then leaves again. �I�m going to the shop to help So-n-so with his car.�

Oh, well, I had lots to do anyway. So I unclog and scrub the shower, clean the toilet, disinfect all of the doorknobs and go on a hunt after a rogue spider. I watched the television, I�m not sure what I was watching, but I was staring at it, so that counts for something. Around 9 I go take my evening shower. When I get out, Benny is home. �Hi, Sweetie. How did it go at the shop?�

�It was fine.�

�Oh, ok.�

He gives me a hug and makes his way to the Game Cube. That usually means that Benny needs quite time. So I go in the kitchen, and take out the Jack from the liquor shelf. I unscrew the cap and take a large swig. My stomach screamed in protest as the fiery liquid settled, and I took another one�and then another. �If that doesn�t help me sleep tonight, I don�t know what will.� It didn�t help.

I read for about half an hour and the liquor finally took affect. That's when I had the dream again. This time there was more to it, in a place I had never been before, and it unnerved me. Then I had a second dream. I was in a truck, heading down a road in the middle of a bunch of fields. I,and another person I don�t know, see that a tractor had plowed through one of the fields in a straight line. We stop, back up and I run out of the truck. For some reason seeing �my� field like that really pissed me off. Then I notice that the crop isn�t cut but lays flattened on the ground, like someone drove though it, and the trail abruptly stops. I see that to the left of the trail is a space where something is laying. I walk over to it. I scream. It�s a baby. I run to it and lift it off the ground. Its little arms and legs are stiff and cold but the baby is still breathing. The strange thing is that the baby isn�t a newborn; it looks between 5 to 6 months old. Why would someone leave their 6-month-old child in a wheat field? I hold the baby close to me, trying to keep it warm, as the other person calls the police. I crank the heat on in the truck and sit with the baby, trying to heat life into it. That�s when it screamed. Not a baby scream, but more of a moan of anguish. That�s when I notice it�s not the baby that�s making the noise; it�s me.

I woke up and noticed that only a few hours went by. Benny was sound asleep and my stomach was upset. I made my way to the bathroom, downed some Mylanta, and then sat on the couch in the living room. I stayed there for "a while" and then finally convinced my self that I needed to go back to bed. That�s when the alarm clock went off to wake up Benny. He snoozed it a few times and then finally got up. I got up with him; it was 6:30. I showered and sat on the bathroom counter and watched him shave.

�Do you have any friends?�

�What?� I was shocked. �Of course I have friends. What kind of question is that?�

�No, I mean girl friends. You never just hang out with �the girls�. Isn�t that supposed be something normal women do?�

�What? You don�t think I�m normal? I don�t have girls as friends, because they are always so petty.�

�Well why don�t you hang out with your guy friends?�

�Because I prefer to hang out with you.�

�I�m not always here to hang out with you though. I feel bad that you�re by yourself all of the time. Why don�t you hang out with the people from work?�

My heart skips a beat. �Because I don�t want to.�

�You used to hang out with Jerry all of the time. You didn�t mind that.�

�Jerry and I were buddies, but if I recall he always wanted to hang out with you.�

�It�s �cause I�m so hot!�

We laugh and I walk away from the conversation. I get dressed and go to the early Mass. I wasn�t really into it though. I just sat and stood and knelt when I was supposed to. I sat with the choir after mass and listened as they begged me to get back into it. I told them I would; I don�t know what I get myself into.

Today I�m feeling more myself. What ever I was feeling yesterday has turned to bitterness, and I like the way it tastes. I�ll just add it to the cloak of bitterness I already wear and stitch a smile on my face. Everything should be back to normal soon. Even though I am very soggy inside, I can always put on my Cold Bitch facade. It works well with me.